Chaka and I went out again last Sunday. I'm now doing five warm ups (five really quick "Hi!"s within a minute of each other) to get myself pumped up and then 10 "challenges." This week's challenge was walking up to a girl, making a comment and walking away. Chaka and I were pressed for time so we went to Takashimaya and made the rounds on each floor: We each had to approach a girl before moving to the next floor. I think we managed ten approaches in about half an hour. Sometimes I get some sparks of creativity that are a lot of fun. I'll make notes of that in the future.
I've also come up with some "stages" or harder things I'd like to try should what I am currently working on no longer feel like a challenge. Currently, I'm going out twice a week, giving myself one minute per warm up and no time limit on the rest of the approaches, approaching 15 girls total, generally during the day time with a partner. My approaches are simple. In the future, I'd like to increase the frequency (3+ times a week), number of girls (20-50), time of day, going out by myself, doing more challenging approaches, etc.
Stefan and I did our first of three consecutive days yesterday. The warm up was fun, but we went to Umeda at night and it was pretty tough. We wound up trying to squeeze in our last ones at Hep Five right before they closed.
I haven't had any number closes yet, but oh well.
The previous "success" has ceased to bother me. I'm in a good spot right now. I've been seeing three girls regularly, all of whom are crazy about me, and had sex with another one who could easily become a regular soon (she's married and we've known each other awhile). On top of that, there are a few other prospects, all very young (which I don't have yet). Little by little I'm learning that, at least in a big city like this, there are opportunities abound. Just keep your eyes open.
I think the whole "inner game" thing is less about girls "noticing" your improvement and more about you learning how to find and utilize opportunities more often. I see girls on the street noticing me more, and I think it has less to do with them noticing my changes than me being in the mindset of seeking out opportunities and going for them. Still working on the "utilizing" part though.
I love being a positive improvement on people's lives. One of my regulars called me out of the blue, just to talk. It was easy to tell she was down. Without even talking about her problems, within five minutes she was her usual genki self. Because she called me. That's a great feeling. It's even better when she emailed me later to thank me, saying she was glad she knew me. That's what I want to provide for women: Making them glad they took a chance/risk to get to know someone new.
Haven't emailed Nao. Luka said she was gonna stop by the bar on the 29th when I work. We'll see.
Ai1 (the girlfriend) and I are still getting along. I'm seeing Makiko on Saturday. I'm seeing Kayo this Thursday. She's in love with me, but has a financee (thankfully). May invite Yasuko out, dunno yet. Ai2 (short, cute and very smart girl who's a potential) and I had a date on Sunday. She cancelled. Sick, apparently. Meh. Said she's going to invite me out again, we'll see. Ayano (a girl I had fun with last Saturday) may come out to Coolabah next month. May go out to eat with Ako. Asuka and a friend of hers and myself and a friend of mine may have a picnic or house party or something. Same with Miho, who just broke up with her boyfriend (trying not to get too excited about that).
Sexy bartender turned out to be one of those small windows of opportunity. I had the opportunity but didn't quite go through it fully, and now it's closed. Oh well. Definitely did better this time than the times before.
Miki came over. I messed that up, in a sense. I think I played it really well, but I stopped myself again. She was on my bed, leaning towards me, touching my leg and such... and all I did was kino. I made up some lame excuses in my head and didn't go for it. The problem clicked though. Initially I had this mindset that there was "some" mental block preventing me from escalating with women. I got it. I take it too seriously. It clicked with me that it was no problem getting Miki to hang out with me, flirt with me, touch me and come over to my place, even though she mostly just chattered about her boyfriend. She even stayed over later than planned. Why? Because I didn't care. It was all play. It was "I feel like saying this, so let's just see how she reacts." or "I feel like touching her here, so let's see what she does." All with positive results. So why didn't I grab her or touch her sensually or kiss her? My mindset was "Ok, that stuff isn't play, that's serious." Uh uh! It's all play. In hindsight, I wish I had just grabbed her waist and pulled her towards me to see what she would have done. My gut tells me she wouldn't have resisted. Actually, she may have resisted but either a) only initially or b) she still would have liked it. I know I would have. For next time.
I'm still focused on meeting girls on the street and from mixi. I came up with some ideas for mixi as well: Once I fill My Mixi with friends, people I know and/or good contacts (business owners, DJs, etc.), I'll use My List to add girls who I want to meet individually. In other words, mixi for friendship and business, list for flirting and pick up. Basically girls who don't seem like they'd be great connections (don't have a lot of friends) but are cute and interesting, put on my list and flirt and experiment with. Anybody else, schmooze and add to my mixi.
Everything else I'm just plugging away at! Like I said, the party was a success; I surpassed my profit goal and my number of people goal. I've decided that if I can do it again next month, I'm going to add to my repertoire. Right now, an evening party at Slices seems appropriate. Again, once a month. I think my goal there would be 5000 a month and at least 12 people. Should be fun.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Day 1
First, the records with Stefan and Chaka.
Chaka and I met up last Friday, a week from now. He only had about 45 minutes to work with me, so we just tried something new: sitting in front of a cafe and calling out to girls who walk by. We only managed one each, but it was fun, and I wanna try it again.
Stefan and I went to Umeda on Monday. I had some new subgoals, since my original goals (walking up and asking for directions to 5 girls a time) have become less challenging: Five girls, simple as possible but also quickly as possible, and then another five girls with whom I take my time but challenge myself with a little more (asking opinion openers or something else silly or fun), for a total of 10 at a time, or 20 a week. I succeeded.
I realized the first five are like the stretch before a workout. I don't feel nervous about it, just lethargic. Once I get the ball rolling, though, I get back into the flow and the rest are kind of downhill, it snowballs.
Anyhow, I got one number and Stefan got an insta-date with a girl passing out flyers. Good times.
I noticed that now success is making me nervous. I feel like I have to or should be living up to a higher standard. I feel an increased sense of awareness, like what I used to offer girls was good, but I could offer more and they, ideally, want more. But I'm not used to it yet, so I feel a sense of dissonance. I COULD continue to offer what I've been offering now (fun, good times, good conversation, a bit of flirting), but it's not enough, not for me or them, and I know I can offer more, I just don't know how yet, and I get that feeling of "but that's not ME" which is bullshit code for "I feel very uncomfortable trying new things."
In any case, this is something I want to continue to challenge myself with, so I'll keep it up, at least twice a week, no matter what mood I'm in. Just stick with it.
Updates on the last two closes: Nao, the less cute one who wrote back, I haven't written back to, but will this weekend, probably to invite her out for the 14th or 15th (I'll be organizing a party and bartending, respectively). Luca, the other one, actually wrote back yesterday, apologizing for her late message. She wants to meet up this weekend. I was supposed to meet Ai this Saturday, but I'll see her on Monday and I saw her for two days yesterday and the day before, so I'll cancel with her to meet Luca tomorrow.
I cancelled with Kayo for today because I wanted some time to myself to get things done. I'm still feeling like I shouldn't have... but it is my time and I can meet her again. If she really wants to see me, she'll wait, I guess. I hope.
No word from sexy bartender. Will see her around again though. If not, there's a shitload of women on mixi and on the street, anyway.
In any case, still plugging away. I'm pretty sure that soon I'll have so many options I won't know what to do, which is great for everybody all around. I was thinking maybe some day I can parlay this into some kind of self-help work or job... would be fun.
Oh yes, I've decided to give myself another challenge: I am in a bad financial state, but I'm still feeling really sociable and wanting to do this. I've decided that I am ONLY going to meet girls from either the internet (particularly mixi) or on the street, both of which are free. If I happen to get any contact information or interest, I'm ONLY going to meet one new girl a week for no more than a few hours. Only Kayo, Ai and Makiko are exceptions, since I've been seeing them regularly. I'm also going to spend no more than about 1000 yen (or $12) on any one of them at one time. This will be until either a) I find enough regulars to keep me busy or b) I get my financial situation in order.
Speaking of financial situations, I've decided that this summer I'm going to focus on the following things:
A) Finishing up my coursework so that I can create more teaching job options for myself.
B) Working on getting my own private group lessons going at a local community center.
C) Starting translations
D) Figuring out how to use my writing skills and interests to generate income (blogging, writing content for companies, editing, etc.)
E) Figuring out some way to use my teaching skills, experience and knowledge to offer services to people.
F) Getting really good at poker.
This way, I'll hopefully have four sources of income: teaching, translation, writing and coaching. If I could make the equivalent of even just 50,000 yen each from them (about $600), I'll be okay. Til then, no partying.
Chaka and I met up last Friday, a week from now. He only had about 45 minutes to work with me, so we just tried something new: sitting in front of a cafe and calling out to girls who walk by. We only managed one each, but it was fun, and I wanna try it again.
Stefan and I went to Umeda on Monday. I had some new subgoals, since my original goals (walking up and asking for directions to 5 girls a time) have become less challenging: Five girls, simple as possible but also quickly as possible, and then another five girls with whom I take my time but challenge myself with a little more (asking opinion openers or something else silly or fun), for a total of 10 at a time, or 20 a week. I succeeded.
I realized the first five are like the stretch before a workout. I don't feel nervous about it, just lethargic. Once I get the ball rolling, though, I get back into the flow and the rest are kind of downhill, it snowballs.
Anyhow, I got one number and Stefan got an insta-date with a girl passing out flyers. Good times.
I noticed that now success is making me nervous. I feel like I have to or should be living up to a higher standard. I feel an increased sense of awareness, like what I used to offer girls was good, but I could offer more and they, ideally, want more. But I'm not used to it yet, so I feel a sense of dissonance. I COULD continue to offer what I've been offering now (fun, good times, good conversation, a bit of flirting), but it's not enough, not for me or them, and I know I can offer more, I just don't know how yet, and I get that feeling of "but that's not ME" which is bullshit code for "I feel very uncomfortable trying new things."
In any case, this is something I want to continue to challenge myself with, so I'll keep it up, at least twice a week, no matter what mood I'm in. Just stick with it.
Updates on the last two closes: Nao, the less cute one who wrote back, I haven't written back to, but will this weekend, probably to invite her out for the 14th or 15th (I'll be organizing a party and bartending, respectively). Luca, the other one, actually wrote back yesterday, apologizing for her late message. She wants to meet up this weekend. I was supposed to meet Ai this Saturday, but I'll see her on Monday and I saw her for two days yesterday and the day before, so I'll cancel with her to meet Luca tomorrow.
I cancelled with Kayo for today because I wanted some time to myself to get things done. I'm still feeling like I shouldn't have... but it is my time and I can meet her again. If she really wants to see me, she'll wait, I guess. I hope.
No word from sexy bartender. Will see her around again though. If not, there's a shitload of women on mixi and on the street, anyway.
In any case, still plugging away. I'm pretty sure that soon I'll have so many options I won't know what to do, which is great for everybody all around. I was thinking maybe some day I can parlay this into some kind of self-help work or job... would be fun.
Oh yes, I've decided to give myself another challenge: I am in a bad financial state, but I'm still feeling really sociable and wanting to do this. I've decided that I am ONLY going to meet girls from either the internet (particularly mixi) or on the street, both of which are free. If I happen to get any contact information or interest, I'm ONLY going to meet one new girl a week for no more than a few hours. Only Kayo, Ai and Makiko are exceptions, since I've been seeing them regularly. I'm also going to spend no more than about 1000 yen (or $12) on any one of them at one time. This will be until either a) I find enough regulars to keep me busy or b) I get my financial situation in order.
Speaking of financial situations, I've decided that this summer I'm going to focus on the following things:
A) Finishing up my coursework so that I can create more teaching job options for myself.
B) Working on getting my own private group lessons going at a local community center.
C) Starting translations
D) Figuring out how to use my writing skills and interests to generate income (blogging, writing content for companies, editing, etc.)
E) Figuring out some way to use my teaching skills, experience and knowledge to offer services to people.
F) Getting really good at poker.
This way, I'll hopefully have four sources of income: teaching, translation, writing and coaching. If I could make the equivalent of even just 50,000 yen each from them (about $600), I'll be okay. Til then, no partying.
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