It's been an interesting ride so far. I've been doing a fair bit of reading. Part of that is rereading David Deida's Way of the Superior Man. I've been rereading that a lot lately. Not only do I agree with the values it proposes, but I like the way it's written; it's open, intuitive. I've spent months, if not years, trying to improve myself with women. Like a typical learning curve, my improvement hit me like a ton of bricks recently. I felt overwhelmed. I still do, but I'm handling it better. I was seriously considering giving it up completely and settling for one girl, but I've decided against that. I recently re-acknowledged the fact that, like anything else in life, I'm going to make mistakes. It's a natural part of the process, unavoidable. On top of that, it's perfectly fine. I have decided to allow myself the mistakes and to allow myself to try things for the first time to experience them for myself.
I had a very open talk with Yasuko. I told her that I see other girls and at some point she's going to see or find out. She seemed surprised. Intriguingly, the intention was to end things with her, because I felt she (and I) was getting too attached. I care about her a lot. I even told her I love her, which is true. Yasuko is not a girl who is going to be my "one." Not ever. But she's a great girl, and she seems to understand and accept where I'm at. That was the upside: She seems cool with it, at least for now. However, she seems to feel that a) she's more privileged than the other girls and b) she know has the right to ask me whatever she wants. I'm actually fine with A, except for when she finds out one day. I don't like B and I want it to stop. Other than that, I was pleasantly surprised by the whole thing.
Michiyo and Rina seem ideal right now; they don't ask questions or make demands and are willing to let things happen naturally.
The one thing is, though, I realized that Yasuko offers me something that I'm not sure Michiyo or Rina can or want to offer: I can go out with Yasuko and totally be myself; flirt with girls, kiss other girls, get their numbers. She accepts it. Rina and Michiyo really understand me deeply and I feel we connect on a deeper level, but I wonder how they'd handle a similar situation.
I realized I don't require a girl to fulfill all these things for me, but I would like at least one girl who I can take out with me in public, one girl who I can connect with and be open with, and one girl who can keep things casual, fun and infrequent. They don't have to be the same girl. But I'm quite sure I wouldn't be satisfied with one girl at this point. Ideally, one girl who is my girlfriend, who I can take out and who connects me with, and then lets me have the other fun girls.
I realized I don't have time for multiple intimate relationships. I also realized that I brought them upon myself. I spent too much time with the girls and was too open too fast. I had a similar problem before, except this time it was delayed; I was wise enough to wait until we were sexually intimate to really open myself, but even then, it was too soon, too much. So I'm still learning to space it out. I tried seeing seven girls every week and I got burnt out. Rina and Michiyo seem very flexible, so it won't be hard rearranging the situation with them. I basically told Kayo that I didn't think we should meet any more cuz she was getting too attached. She told me she still wanted to see me and that she would try to cool down. I stood Sayo up and she still wants to see me. Makiko is flexible. Ai is busy anyway and needs her freedom. So I've decided I'll keep things the way they are with Yasuko, Rina and Michiyo and I'll try the new "plan" with the others.
The plan is from now on, I only invite new girls out once a month. They can pursue me more persistently if they want. Only random contact, meeting for a short time, very convenient times only. After awhile, if they seem cool or close to my ideal, maybe twice a month. No more than 4 "girlfriends." The rest are for fun.
I really want more time to myself. There is still so much left to do in my life besides women. For the most part, the idea of pursuing new ones leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Can't be fucked. But every once in awhile they come out of the woodwork; girls from my past, people I meet at parties, girls on mixi, etc.
I went to an international party on Sunday that I didn't feel like going to. Yasuko coaxed me. Without the alcohol, I don't know how I could have brought out the party side, but it came out. Big time. Had a good time, but felt exhausted after. Could have gotten about half a dozen numbers, only bothered with two. Dunno if I'm gonna bother contacting those girls are not. The only ones worth it would take some serious effort, and I don't feel like putting in the effort at this juncture.
I still have a long ways to go, a lot to learn, and a lot is still confusing for me, but things are slowly starting to become clearer. I'm in control of my life, my activities and my state. I lead things and I make the decisions. Everyone else can hop on board or get off, their choice. I'm a lot stronger and more sure of myself than I have ever been, so I know I'll be alright. I'll continue to make a LOT of mistakes from here on out. A lot of people, myself included, will get hurt. Then we'll grow and become even better.
There's a lot more to say, but I'm going to leave it there.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Little idea
A few weeks ago I pondered a situation: About once a week I go to this cafe near my place called Cafe Veloce. One particular day I went there there were four female employees, ALL cute. I love chatting with (or chatting up) girls working, but I was at a loss in that situation: If the chat went well with one of them, what do I do? Should I try to "network" and get a group meet? Do I wait until I can "isolate" them (when they work separately) and try to close all of them? Do I pick one?
I consulted a few friends and came up with my solution: Try chatting them all up at least once first, pick the one who seems the most fun (and hopefully most keen) and close her.
How did I come up with this solution?
I work at a culture center in Tenmabashi. There's a lobby where they give me the attendance sheet. About three cute girls work there, all friendly. Right before the lesson starts, one of them goes to the room to clean up. I usually get there early. I had a chat with one of the cuties named Tomoe. She was EXTREMELY keen and seemed cool enough. I didn't close her then, and it occurred to me that, even though the actual reason was that I didn't have the balls, it might work in my benefit: What if one of the other girls is MORE keen, or COOLER or both? So I decided I would wait til I had a chance to chat up the others, and then try closing the one I liked most.
Poof, idea is born.
I consulted a few friends and came up with my solution: Try chatting them all up at least once first, pick the one who seems the most fun (and hopefully most keen) and close her.
How did I come up with this solution?
I work at a culture center in Tenmabashi. There's a lobby where they give me the attendance sheet. About three cute girls work there, all friendly. Right before the lesson starts, one of them goes to the room to clean up. I usually get there early. I had a chat with one of the cuties named Tomoe. She was EXTREMELY keen and seemed cool enough. I didn't close her then, and it occurred to me that, even though the actual reason was that I didn't have the balls, it might work in my benefit: What if one of the other girls is MORE keen, or COOLER or both? So I decided I would wait til I had a chance to chat up the others, and then try closing the one I liked most.
Poof, idea is born.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Re-evaluation
For as long as I can remember, I wanted multiple intimate but non-exclusive relationships with lots of women. Now I have it. I would say as of about a week or two ago, I've got six "regulars", or girls I am having sex with regularly. I adore them all. There's Makiko who I've been seeing for about 2 years now. She's nowhere near what I want ideally, but it's easy to be with her, and she's never demanded anything out of our relationships. She also seems to really enjoy sex and has a cute butt. I've known Yasuko for awhile, but we've gotten more serious in the past couple months. She's actually very sweet and is good in bed and has a pretty tight body. Rina and I just started. She's a lot of fun, spunky, intelligent and cute. She also has two kids. She doesn't seem too serious, which is a good thing. Kayo is quite sexy, voracious in bed and is a challenge. Ai is extremely pretty, young, a challenge and seems adventuresome in bed. Maybe a bit troubled, though, we'll see. Michiyo is sweet, intelligent, upbeat and we have a lot of similarities. On top of these girls are a few girls who seem interested in starting something: Sayo, Miki, Ayano, etc.
So I finally got what I wanted. It's fantastic, and educational, but at the same time, it's opened me up to certain things.
The instigator was a house party I decided to have at my place. Prior to this experience, I just invited everybody and let the chips fall where they may during the party. I wound up making out with a girl last time, so I was satisfied. So I went ahead and did the same thing this time around as well. Mistake. I wound up inviting 3 of the girls I'm seeing to be in the same place at the same time with me. Doh.
A number of things have occurred to me:
I can't keep up six relationships simultaneously forever. I can possibly prolong them by either finding the right girls or lying, but they can't go on forever. Most, if not all, of them have to end at some point.
I love intimacy. I love building intimacy and getting to know people deeply and creating something together.
Women love intimacy. But they also love feeling special, exclusive.
I don't necessarily need intimacy.
I think it would be cool to be able to bring a girl out with me and flirt with other girls and make out with them with her there and have her be cool with it. I think I could be cool with it if I understood what our relationship was about, as well.
I can't possibly maintain relationships with every single girl I think is cool. I simply don't have the time or energy.
I love women. I think there are a ton of cool, attractive women out there and I want to get to know all of them.
Sex is a precursor to a deeper and more fulfilling relationship.
I have other things in my life that I want to focus on besides women. I can't keep this up forever.
I could have a shitload of relationships with women who are cool with meeting only once or twice a month, usually just for sex and time together, not dates.
I could reduce the number of girls I see so I can focus more time, energy and money on them. This would meeting upping the quality.
I could just let the chips fall where they may as far as how many women I'm seeing and how often and what types of relationships I'm establishing.
I could work towards having one exclusive relationship.
I could just go for one night stands, which would require me learning how to seduce a woman more quickly and effectively.
I could meet lots of new women through parties, events, bars and clubs. This requires money and time. It's easier to pull women home quickly from these events. I run the risk of establishing a reputation at these places and running into people.
I could meet new women on the streets. It'll challenge me in an area I feel weak at but be fun (and free) at the same time. It'd be harder to actually create relationships with these women, at least at first, but that's part of the challenge. There's no crossover with anything else I'm doing in my life.
I could meet women online. It's easier, but slower than meeting directly. It's also an area I don't have a lot of experience or confidence at.
I could work on trying to establish and maintain as many relationships as possible. This would satisfy my desire for variety and give me a lot of experience and knowledge about women. It would also satisfy my desire for relationships and/or intimacy. It could become complicated and it seems like the women would be susceptible to considering themselves my girlfriends. It would also probably take a lot of time, and potentially money and energy.
I could try to establish even more relationships, til I reach the breaking point, then let things fall as they may. This would, for a short period of time, be extremely exhausting and time consuming, but eventually things would sort themselves out. I would also not have time for meeting other women, which could be either a good or bad thing. I could wind up discovering a lot more. I am on a bit of a rush now, so it would be very possible for me to be able to add new people now, which might be fun since there's quite a few girls interested in me now, on top of the other ones.
I could increase my ideals, and eliminate any one who doesn't meet them. This would reduce the number of women I'm seeing, and would increase the quality. It would be harder to add new girls, though, and I might miss some interesting experiences.
I could go for only girls who are cool with and aware of the fact that I see others and/or girls who are fine with going out to social events with me and seeing me mess with others. This would reduce a lot of girls, ones who are also cool but simply would rather not be aware (i.e. have it thrust in their face). However, even though I may be missing out, this would also simplify a lot of things.
I could go exclusive. I can't imagine being satisfied by this, but it would be the simplest solution.
So why do I still pursue pick up? There are still a lot of things I have yet to experience:
-The ability to cold approach women
-The ability to quickly seduce women; same night lays, minimizing resistance, screening for sexual open-mindedness
-Being with super hot women
-Meeting my ideals or desired experiences (dating a dancer, dating a sexually open minded, dating a Chinese girl, etc.)
among many others.
There are so many beautiful women out there... but the end goal of simply saying hi to them is either to get laid and then ditch them or to establish relationships.
I don't see a lot of fulfillment out of getting laid once with a girl and then having nothing (or virtually nothing) to do with them. But maybe that's just because I haven't experienced it yet? Or because I see no point in just entering a person's life and then leaving it. I'm not sure. This is something I want to try some time. Or maybe, realistically, there is no such thing. Maybe it turns into something that lingers, but in a different way than a typical relationship, where you just reconnect when it works for both of you.
Relationships seem more fulfilling now... but they also take more time, energy and money. I can go on having one night stands til I get tired of them; there's limitless potential, but there's a limit to how many relationships I can maintain in a satisfying way. How do I determine this limit? How much time and energy am I willing to dedicate to them? How do I choose between different ones? What do I do when new opportunities arise? Is my priorities new experiences or building old ones? What do I get out of maintaining multiple relationships? What do women want out of them? What do I do when I feel overwhelmed? How do I decide who to drop and who to maintain? What am I offering to women through this? What are my beliefs about love, romance, women and men, sex, monogamy and polygamy, freedom?
So many questions and so little experience.
So I finally got what I wanted. It's fantastic, and educational, but at the same time, it's opened me up to certain things.
The instigator was a house party I decided to have at my place. Prior to this experience, I just invited everybody and let the chips fall where they may during the party. I wound up making out with a girl last time, so I was satisfied. So I went ahead and did the same thing this time around as well. Mistake. I wound up inviting 3 of the girls I'm seeing to be in the same place at the same time with me. Doh.
A number of things have occurred to me:
I can't keep up six relationships simultaneously forever. I can possibly prolong them by either finding the right girls or lying, but they can't go on forever. Most, if not all, of them have to end at some point.
I love intimacy. I love building intimacy and getting to know people deeply and creating something together.
Women love intimacy. But they also love feeling special, exclusive.
I don't necessarily need intimacy.
I think it would be cool to be able to bring a girl out with me and flirt with other girls and make out with them with her there and have her be cool with it. I think I could be cool with it if I understood what our relationship was about, as well.
I can't possibly maintain relationships with every single girl I think is cool. I simply don't have the time or energy.
I love women. I think there are a ton of cool, attractive women out there and I want to get to know all of them.
Sex is a precursor to a deeper and more fulfilling relationship.
I have other things in my life that I want to focus on besides women. I can't keep this up forever.
I could have a shitload of relationships with women who are cool with meeting only once or twice a month, usually just for sex and time together, not dates.
I could reduce the number of girls I see so I can focus more time, energy and money on them. This would meeting upping the quality.
I could just let the chips fall where they may as far as how many women I'm seeing and how often and what types of relationships I'm establishing.
I could work towards having one exclusive relationship.
I could just go for one night stands, which would require me learning how to seduce a woman more quickly and effectively.
I could meet lots of new women through parties, events, bars and clubs. This requires money and time. It's easier to pull women home quickly from these events. I run the risk of establishing a reputation at these places and running into people.
I could meet new women on the streets. It'll challenge me in an area I feel weak at but be fun (and free) at the same time. It'd be harder to actually create relationships with these women, at least at first, but that's part of the challenge. There's no crossover with anything else I'm doing in my life.
I could meet women online. It's easier, but slower than meeting directly. It's also an area I don't have a lot of experience or confidence at.
I could work on trying to establish and maintain as many relationships as possible. This would satisfy my desire for variety and give me a lot of experience and knowledge about women. It would also satisfy my desire for relationships and/or intimacy. It could become complicated and it seems like the women would be susceptible to considering themselves my girlfriends. It would also probably take a lot of time, and potentially money and energy.
I could try to establish even more relationships, til I reach the breaking point, then let things fall as they may. This would, for a short period of time, be extremely exhausting and time consuming, but eventually things would sort themselves out. I would also not have time for meeting other women, which could be either a good or bad thing. I could wind up discovering a lot more. I am on a bit of a rush now, so it would be very possible for me to be able to add new people now, which might be fun since there's quite a few girls interested in me now, on top of the other ones.
I could increase my ideals, and eliminate any one who doesn't meet them. This would reduce the number of women I'm seeing, and would increase the quality. It would be harder to add new girls, though, and I might miss some interesting experiences.
I could go for only girls who are cool with and aware of the fact that I see others and/or girls who are fine with going out to social events with me and seeing me mess with others. This would reduce a lot of girls, ones who are also cool but simply would rather not be aware (i.e. have it thrust in their face). However, even though I may be missing out, this would also simplify a lot of things.
I could go exclusive. I can't imagine being satisfied by this, but it would be the simplest solution.
So why do I still pursue pick up? There are still a lot of things I have yet to experience:
-The ability to cold approach women
-The ability to quickly seduce women; same night lays, minimizing resistance, screening for sexual open-mindedness
-Being with super hot women
-Meeting my ideals or desired experiences (dating a dancer, dating a sexually open minded, dating a Chinese girl, etc.)
among many others.
There are so many beautiful women out there... but the end goal of simply saying hi to them is either to get laid and then ditch them or to establish relationships.
I don't see a lot of fulfillment out of getting laid once with a girl and then having nothing (or virtually nothing) to do with them. But maybe that's just because I haven't experienced it yet? Or because I see no point in just entering a person's life and then leaving it. I'm not sure. This is something I want to try some time. Or maybe, realistically, there is no such thing. Maybe it turns into something that lingers, but in a different way than a typical relationship, where you just reconnect when it works for both of you.
Relationships seem more fulfilling now... but they also take more time, energy and money. I can go on having one night stands til I get tired of them; there's limitless potential, but there's a limit to how many relationships I can maintain in a satisfying way. How do I determine this limit? How much time and energy am I willing to dedicate to them? How do I choose between different ones? What do I do when new opportunities arise? Is my priorities new experiences or building old ones? What do I get out of maintaining multiple relationships? What do women want out of them? What do I do when I feel overwhelmed? How do I decide who to drop and who to maintain? What am I offering to women through this? What are my beliefs about love, romance, women and men, sex, monogamy and polygamy, freedom?
So many questions and so little experience.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Consecutive Days
Chaka and I went out again last Sunday. I'm now doing five warm ups (five really quick "Hi!"s within a minute of each other) to get myself pumped up and then 10 "challenges." This week's challenge was walking up to a girl, making a comment and walking away. Chaka and I were pressed for time so we went to Takashimaya and made the rounds on each floor: We each had to approach a girl before moving to the next floor. I think we managed ten approaches in about half an hour. Sometimes I get some sparks of creativity that are a lot of fun. I'll make notes of that in the future.
I've also come up with some "stages" or harder things I'd like to try should what I am currently working on no longer feel like a challenge. Currently, I'm going out twice a week, giving myself one minute per warm up and no time limit on the rest of the approaches, approaching 15 girls total, generally during the day time with a partner. My approaches are simple. In the future, I'd like to increase the frequency (3+ times a week), number of girls (20-50), time of day, going out by myself, doing more challenging approaches, etc.
Stefan and I did our first of three consecutive days yesterday. The warm up was fun, but we went to Umeda at night and it was pretty tough. We wound up trying to squeeze in our last ones at Hep Five right before they closed.
I haven't had any number closes yet, but oh well.
The previous "success" has ceased to bother me. I'm in a good spot right now. I've been seeing three girls regularly, all of whom are crazy about me, and had sex with another one who could easily become a regular soon (she's married and we've known each other awhile). On top of that, there are a few other prospects, all very young (which I don't have yet). Little by little I'm learning that, at least in a big city like this, there are opportunities abound. Just keep your eyes open.
I think the whole "inner game" thing is less about girls "noticing" your improvement and more about you learning how to find and utilize opportunities more often. I see girls on the street noticing me more, and I think it has less to do with them noticing my changes than me being in the mindset of seeking out opportunities and going for them. Still working on the "utilizing" part though.
I love being a positive improvement on people's lives. One of my regulars called me out of the blue, just to talk. It was easy to tell she was down. Without even talking about her problems, within five minutes she was her usual genki self. Because she called me. That's a great feeling. It's even better when she emailed me later to thank me, saying she was glad she knew me. That's what I want to provide for women: Making them glad they took a chance/risk to get to know someone new.
Haven't emailed Nao. Luka said she was gonna stop by the bar on the 29th when I work. We'll see.
Ai1 (the girlfriend) and I are still getting along. I'm seeing Makiko on Saturday. I'm seeing Kayo this Thursday. She's in love with me, but has a financee (thankfully). May invite Yasuko out, dunno yet. Ai2 (short, cute and very smart girl who's a potential) and I had a date on Sunday. She cancelled. Sick, apparently. Meh. Said she's going to invite me out again, we'll see. Ayano (a girl I had fun with last Saturday) may come out to Coolabah next month. May go out to eat with Ako. Asuka and a friend of hers and myself and a friend of mine may have a picnic or house party or something. Same with Miho, who just broke up with her boyfriend (trying not to get too excited about that).
Sexy bartender turned out to be one of those small windows of opportunity. I had the opportunity but didn't quite go through it fully, and now it's closed. Oh well. Definitely did better this time than the times before.
Miki came over. I messed that up, in a sense. I think I played it really well, but I stopped myself again. She was on my bed, leaning towards me, touching my leg and such... and all I did was kino. I made up some lame excuses in my head and didn't go for it. The problem clicked though. Initially I had this mindset that there was "some" mental block preventing me from escalating with women. I got it. I take it too seriously. It clicked with me that it was no problem getting Miki to hang out with me, flirt with me, touch me and come over to my place, even though she mostly just chattered about her boyfriend. She even stayed over later than planned. Why? Because I didn't care. It was all play. It was "I feel like saying this, so let's just see how she reacts." or "I feel like touching her here, so let's see what she does." All with positive results. So why didn't I grab her or touch her sensually or kiss her? My mindset was "Ok, that stuff isn't play, that's serious." Uh uh! It's all play. In hindsight, I wish I had just grabbed her waist and pulled her towards me to see what she would have done. My gut tells me she wouldn't have resisted. Actually, she may have resisted but either a) only initially or b) she still would have liked it. I know I would have. For next time.
I'm still focused on meeting girls on the street and from mixi. I came up with some ideas for mixi as well: Once I fill My Mixi with friends, people I know and/or good contacts (business owners, DJs, etc.), I'll use My List to add girls who I want to meet individually. In other words, mixi for friendship and business, list for flirting and pick up. Basically girls who don't seem like they'd be great connections (don't have a lot of friends) but are cute and interesting, put on my list and flirt and experiment with. Anybody else, schmooze and add to my mixi.
Everything else I'm just plugging away at! Like I said, the party was a success; I surpassed my profit goal and my number of people goal. I've decided that if I can do it again next month, I'm going to add to my repertoire. Right now, an evening party at Slices seems appropriate. Again, once a month. I think my goal there would be 5000 a month and at least 12 people. Should be fun.
I've also come up with some "stages" or harder things I'd like to try should what I am currently working on no longer feel like a challenge. Currently, I'm going out twice a week, giving myself one minute per warm up and no time limit on the rest of the approaches, approaching 15 girls total, generally during the day time with a partner. My approaches are simple. In the future, I'd like to increase the frequency (3+ times a week), number of girls (20-50), time of day, going out by myself, doing more challenging approaches, etc.
Stefan and I did our first of three consecutive days yesterday. The warm up was fun, but we went to Umeda at night and it was pretty tough. We wound up trying to squeeze in our last ones at Hep Five right before they closed.
I haven't had any number closes yet, but oh well.
The previous "success" has ceased to bother me. I'm in a good spot right now. I've been seeing three girls regularly, all of whom are crazy about me, and had sex with another one who could easily become a regular soon (she's married and we've known each other awhile). On top of that, there are a few other prospects, all very young (which I don't have yet). Little by little I'm learning that, at least in a big city like this, there are opportunities abound. Just keep your eyes open.
I think the whole "inner game" thing is less about girls "noticing" your improvement and more about you learning how to find and utilize opportunities more often. I see girls on the street noticing me more, and I think it has less to do with them noticing my changes than me being in the mindset of seeking out opportunities and going for them. Still working on the "utilizing" part though.
I love being a positive improvement on people's lives. One of my regulars called me out of the blue, just to talk. It was easy to tell she was down. Without even talking about her problems, within five minutes she was her usual genki self. Because she called me. That's a great feeling. It's even better when she emailed me later to thank me, saying she was glad she knew me. That's what I want to provide for women: Making them glad they took a chance/risk to get to know someone new.
Haven't emailed Nao. Luka said she was gonna stop by the bar on the 29th when I work. We'll see.
Ai1 (the girlfriend) and I are still getting along. I'm seeing Makiko on Saturday. I'm seeing Kayo this Thursday. She's in love with me, but has a financee (thankfully). May invite Yasuko out, dunno yet. Ai2 (short, cute and very smart girl who's a potential) and I had a date on Sunday. She cancelled. Sick, apparently. Meh. Said she's going to invite me out again, we'll see. Ayano (a girl I had fun with last Saturday) may come out to Coolabah next month. May go out to eat with Ako. Asuka and a friend of hers and myself and a friend of mine may have a picnic or house party or something. Same with Miho, who just broke up with her boyfriend (trying not to get too excited about that).
Sexy bartender turned out to be one of those small windows of opportunity. I had the opportunity but didn't quite go through it fully, and now it's closed. Oh well. Definitely did better this time than the times before.
Miki came over. I messed that up, in a sense. I think I played it really well, but I stopped myself again. She was on my bed, leaning towards me, touching my leg and such... and all I did was kino. I made up some lame excuses in my head and didn't go for it. The problem clicked though. Initially I had this mindset that there was "some" mental block preventing me from escalating with women. I got it. I take it too seriously. It clicked with me that it was no problem getting Miki to hang out with me, flirt with me, touch me and come over to my place, even though she mostly just chattered about her boyfriend. She even stayed over later than planned. Why? Because I didn't care. It was all play. It was "I feel like saying this, so let's just see how she reacts." or "I feel like touching her here, so let's see what she does." All with positive results. So why didn't I grab her or touch her sensually or kiss her? My mindset was "Ok, that stuff isn't play, that's serious." Uh uh! It's all play. In hindsight, I wish I had just grabbed her waist and pulled her towards me to see what she would have done. My gut tells me she wouldn't have resisted. Actually, she may have resisted but either a) only initially or b) she still would have liked it. I know I would have. For next time.
I'm still focused on meeting girls on the street and from mixi. I came up with some ideas for mixi as well: Once I fill My Mixi with friends, people I know and/or good contacts (business owners, DJs, etc.), I'll use My List to add girls who I want to meet individually. In other words, mixi for friendship and business, list for flirting and pick up. Basically girls who don't seem like they'd be great connections (don't have a lot of friends) but are cute and interesting, put on my list and flirt and experiment with. Anybody else, schmooze and add to my mixi.
Everything else I'm just plugging away at! Like I said, the party was a success; I surpassed my profit goal and my number of people goal. I've decided that if I can do it again next month, I'm going to add to my repertoire. Right now, an evening party at Slices seems appropriate. Again, once a month. I think my goal there would be 5000 a month and at least 12 people. Should be fun.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Day 1
First, the records with Stefan and Chaka.
Chaka and I met up last Friday, a week from now. He only had about 45 minutes to work with me, so we just tried something new: sitting in front of a cafe and calling out to girls who walk by. We only managed one each, but it was fun, and I wanna try it again.
Stefan and I went to Umeda on Monday. I had some new subgoals, since my original goals (walking up and asking for directions to 5 girls a time) have become less challenging: Five girls, simple as possible but also quickly as possible, and then another five girls with whom I take my time but challenge myself with a little more (asking opinion openers or something else silly or fun), for a total of 10 at a time, or 20 a week. I succeeded.
I realized the first five are like the stretch before a workout. I don't feel nervous about it, just lethargic. Once I get the ball rolling, though, I get back into the flow and the rest are kind of downhill, it snowballs.
Anyhow, I got one number and Stefan got an insta-date with a girl passing out flyers. Good times.
I noticed that now success is making me nervous. I feel like I have to or should be living up to a higher standard. I feel an increased sense of awareness, like what I used to offer girls was good, but I could offer more and they, ideally, want more. But I'm not used to it yet, so I feel a sense of dissonance. I COULD continue to offer what I've been offering now (fun, good times, good conversation, a bit of flirting), but it's not enough, not for me or them, and I know I can offer more, I just don't know how yet, and I get that feeling of "but that's not ME" which is bullshit code for "I feel very uncomfortable trying new things."
In any case, this is something I want to continue to challenge myself with, so I'll keep it up, at least twice a week, no matter what mood I'm in. Just stick with it.
Updates on the last two closes: Nao, the less cute one who wrote back, I haven't written back to, but will this weekend, probably to invite her out for the 14th or 15th (I'll be organizing a party and bartending, respectively). Luca, the other one, actually wrote back yesterday, apologizing for her late message. She wants to meet up this weekend. I was supposed to meet Ai this Saturday, but I'll see her on Monday and I saw her for two days yesterday and the day before, so I'll cancel with her to meet Luca tomorrow.
I cancelled with Kayo for today because I wanted some time to myself to get things done. I'm still feeling like I shouldn't have... but it is my time and I can meet her again. If she really wants to see me, she'll wait, I guess. I hope.
No word from sexy bartender. Will see her around again though. If not, there's a shitload of women on mixi and on the street, anyway.
In any case, still plugging away. I'm pretty sure that soon I'll have so many options I won't know what to do, which is great for everybody all around. I was thinking maybe some day I can parlay this into some kind of self-help work or job... would be fun.
Oh yes, I've decided to give myself another challenge: I am in a bad financial state, but I'm still feeling really sociable and wanting to do this. I've decided that I am ONLY going to meet girls from either the internet (particularly mixi) or on the street, both of which are free. If I happen to get any contact information or interest, I'm ONLY going to meet one new girl a week for no more than a few hours. Only Kayo, Ai and Makiko are exceptions, since I've been seeing them regularly. I'm also going to spend no more than about 1000 yen (or $12) on any one of them at one time. This will be until either a) I find enough regulars to keep me busy or b) I get my financial situation in order.
Speaking of financial situations, I've decided that this summer I'm going to focus on the following things:
A) Finishing up my coursework so that I can create more teaching job options for myself.
B) Working on getting my own private group lessons going at a local community center.
C) Starting translations
D) Figuring out how to use my writing skills and interests to generate income (blogging, writing content for companies, editing, etc.)
E) Figuring out some way to use my teaching skills, experience and knowledge to offer services to people.
F) Getting really good at poker.
This way, I'll hopefully have four sources of income: teaching, translation, writing and coaching. If I could make the equivalent of even just 50,000 yen each from them (about $600), I'll be okay. Til then, no partying.
Chaka and I met up last Friday, a week from now. He only had about 45 minutes to work with me, so we just tried something new: sitting in front of a cafe and calling out to girls who walk by. We only managed one each, but it was fun, and I wanna try it again.
Stefan and I went to Umeda on Monday. I had some new subgoals, since my original goals (walking up and asking for directions to 5 girls a time) have become less challenging: Five girls, simple as possible but also quickly as possible, and then another five girls with whom I take my time but challenge myself with a little more (asking opinion openers or something else silly or fun), for a total of 10 at a time, or 20 a week. I succeeded.
I realized the first five are like the stretch before a workout. I don't feel nervous about it, just lethargic. Once I get the ball rolling, though, I get back into the flow and the rest are kind of downhill, it snowballs.
Anyhow, I got one number and Stefan got an insta-date with a girl passing out flyers. Good times.
I noticed that now success is making me nervous. I feel like I have to or should be living up to a higher standard. I feel an increased sense of awareness, like what I used to offer girls was good, but I could offer more and they, ideally, want more. But I'm not used to it yet, so I feel a sense of dissonance. I COULD continue to offer what I've been offering now (fun, good times, good conversation, a bit of flirting), but it's not enough, not for me or them, and I know I can offer more, I just don't know how yet, and I get that feeling of "but that's not ME" which is bullshit code for "I feel very uncomfortable trying new things."
In any case, this is something I want to continue to challenge myself with, so I'll keep it up, at least twice a week, no matter what mood I'm in. Just stick with it.
Updates on the last two closes: Nao, the less cute one who wrote back, I haven't written back to, but will this weekend, probably to invite her out for the 14th or 15th (I'll be organizing a party and bartending, respectively). Luca, the other one, actually wrote back yesterday, apologizing for her late message. She wants to meet up this weekend. I was supposed to meet Ai this Saturday, but I'll see her on Monday and I saw her for two days yesterday and the day before, so I'll cancel with her to meet Luca tomorrow.
I cancelled with Kayo for today because I wanted some time to myself to get things done. I'm still feeling like I shouldn't have... but it is my time and I can meet her again. If she really wants to see me, she'll wait, I guess. I hope.
No word from sexy bartender. Will see her around again though. If not, there's a shitload of women on mixi and on the street, anyway.
In any case, still plugging away. I'm pretty sure that soon I'll have so many options I won't know what to do, which is great for everybody all around. I was thinking maybe some day I can parlay this into some kind of self-help work or job... would be fun.
Oh yes, I've decided to give myself another challenge: I am in a bad financial state, but I'm still feeling really sociable and wanting to do this. I've decided that I am ONLY going to meet girls from either the internet (particularly mixi) or on the street, both of which are free. If I happen to get any contact information or interest, I'm ONLY going to meet one new girl a week for no more than a few hours. Only Kayo, Ai and Makiko are exceptions, since I've been seeing them regularly. I'm also going to spend no more than about 1000 yen (or $12) on any one of them at one time. This will be until either a) I find enough regulars to keep me busy or b) I get my financial situation in order.
Speaking of financial situations, I've decided that this summer I'm going to focus on the following things:
A) Finishing up my coursework so that I can create more teaching job options for myself.
B) Working on getting my own private group lessons going at a local community center.
C) Starting translations
D) Figuring out how to use my writing skills and interests to generate income (blogging, writing content for companies, editing, etc.)
E) Figuring out some way to use my teaching skills, experience and knowledge to offer services to people.
F) Getting really good at poker.
This way, I'll hopefully have four sources of income: teaching, translation, writing and coaching. If I could make the equivalent of even just 50,000 yen each from them (about $600), I'll be okay. Til then, no partying.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
New Directions
Yes, that's a reference to Glee. Oh well. I'm too tired to create my own post heading right now.
I've decided to start a new blog for my personal pursuit of self-improvement. For right now, this will mainly be concerned with certain behaviors I'm actively trying to incorporate, focusing on one in particular: improvement with women.
One aspect of this is hitting the streets with Stefan and Chaka, two guys who have recently become friends of mine. Stefan and I go out on weekdays, Chaka and I on weekends. I'm considering including other guys in the group for the weekends too, but that's a topic for later.
So I've decided to record certain things, like how much time I spent, how many girls or groups of girls I approached and what the results were, as well as anything I consider worthy of note.
I didn't actually take down any notes, so I'm going from memory, but last Sunday (which would be April 24th) I started with Chaka at about 3:30pm and finished at 5:30pm. We walked up to five sets each. The approach was simply asking girls to take us from Namba Parks to Takashimaya, and then from Takashimaya to Namba Parks. All my approachs were much smoother, and there was a pair of girls who were warming up to us pretty easily, so I used the "I'm a bartender around here, you should come to my bar" excuse and got her email address. She wrote back, actually, but we still haven't set up a time to meet. I think there's a good chance we will again. I also asked a girl on her cell phone listening to music to take us to Namba Parks. She was cute, a 8 or 9, and she put up some resistance at first, but gradually warmed up. I even offered her to let us find the place ourselves, but she insisted on taking us all the way. At the end she said "Mata ne" (See you), so I used that to get her address. She hasn't written back, but it was still cool. Never gotten two closes on the street in one night. At a bar or party, sure, but not on the street.
Later that night I went home with a girl who I'd talked to two or three times and works at a bar. Half Filippina, Half Japanese, 23 years old, sexy eyes, nice tits. Hope to see her again, but we'll see.
The odd thing is after this (for me) phenomenal success, I felt MORE nervous. I feel like now that I'm aware I'm capable of more than just saying hi and asking for directions, it means either a) it's already time for me to step up, which is going to expose me to more failure and discomfort, at least initially or b) I may start to feel a bit of monotony at continuing what I'm doing now, which is building a foundational base.
On Tuesday, April 26th, I went out with Stefan. That was my 4th time so far (I don't recall the first two very well, so I'm not including them), and I've noticed a pattern: Generally the first 5 or so approaches all feel very rough, like when I stretch before exercise. After that, I kind of get into a groove, rhythm or flow and it feels a lot more natural. Not necessarily easy, but... more effortless. Like exercise, I'm sure this will be rough at first and I'll have a lot of mental and psychological resistance to it, which is probably why it was a good idea to bring friends with me.
I've also decided to start asking a ton of girls on mixi to meet me for dates and such. I'm going to start with girls who have fewer mixi friends themselves, as they would be less useful as networking contacts, and then move on to girls who are not on my mixi or have nothing to do with my mixi.
I'm going out again with Chaka this coming weekend and Stefan the following week during the week. I'm seeing Kayo tomorrow night, Tamaki on Sunday, having a small house party on Tuesday and then Ai on Wednesday and Thursday. Should be fun.
I still have a lot to learn, which is intimidating, but I'm doing something about it, which is very empowering.
I've decided to start a new blog for my personal pursuit of self-improvement. For right now, this will mainly be concerned with certain behaviors I'm actively trying to incorporate, focusing on one in particular: improvement with women.
One aspect of this is hitting the streets with Stefan and Chaka, two guys who have recently become friends of mine. Stefan and I go out on weekdays, Chaka and I on weekends. I'm considering including other guys in the group for the weekends too, but that's a topic for later.
So I've decided to record certain things, like how much time I spent, how many girls or groups of girls I approached and what the results were, as well as anything I consider worthy of note.
I didn't actually take down any notes, so I'm going from memory, but last Sunday (which would be April 24th) I started with Chaka at about 3:30pm and finished at 5:30pm. We walked up to five sets each. The approach was simply asking girls to take us from Namba Parks to Takashimaya, and then from Takashimaya to Namba Parks. All my approachs were much smoother, and there was a pair of girls who were warming up to us pretty easily, so I used the "I'm a bartender around here, you should come to my bar" excuse and got her email address. She wrote back, actually, but we still haven't set up a time to meet. I think there's a good chance we will again. I also asked a girl on her cell phone listening to music to take us to Namba Parks. She was cute, a 8 or 9, and she put up some resistance at first, but gradually warmed up. I even offered her to let us find the place ourselves, but she insisted on taking us all the way. At the end she said "Mata ne" (See you), so I used that to get her address. She hasn't written back, but it was still cool. Never gotten two closes on the street in one night. At a bar or party, sure, but not on the street.
Later that night I went home with a girl who I'd talked to two or three times and works at a bar. Half Filippina, Half Japanese, 23 years old, sexy eyes, nice tits. Hope to see her again, but we'll see.
The odd thing is after this (for me) phenomenal success, I felt MORE nervous. I feel like now that I'm aware I'm capable of more than just saying hi and asking for directions, it means either a) it's already time for me to step up, which is going to expose me to more failure and discomfort, at least initially or b) I may start to feel a bit of monotony at continuing what I'm doing now, which is building a foundational base.
On Tuesday, April 26th, I went out with Stefan. That was my 4th time so far (I don't recall the first two very well, so I'm not including them), and I've noticed a pattern: Generally the first 5 or so approaches all feel very rough, like when I stretch before exercise. After that, I kind of get into a groove, rhythm or flow and it feels a lot more natural. Not necessarily easy, but... more effortless. Like exercise, I'm sure this will be rough at first and I'll have a lot of mental and psychological resistance to it, which is probably why it was a good idea to bring friends with me.
I've also decided to start asking a ton of girls on mixi to meet me for dates and such. I'm going to start with girls who have fewer mixi friends themselves, as they would be less useful as networking contacts, and then move on to girls who are not on my mixi or have nothing to do with my mixi.
I'm going out again with Chaka this coming weekend and Stefan the following week during the week. I'm seeing Kayo tomorrow night, Tamaki on Sunday, having a small house party on Tuesday and then Ai on Wednesday and Thursday. Should be fun.
I still have a lot to learn, which is intimidating, but I'm doing something about it, which is very empowering.
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